You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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