He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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