I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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