he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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