Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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