Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.