I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think a kid would responsible me up
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
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Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."