So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?