I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.