Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
