Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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