she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
