Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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