i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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