Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
