I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
