He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
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MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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