Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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