OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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