4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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