Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She's the barista slut.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
