I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
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Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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