Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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