grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Fuck appropriateness.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
