My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
