The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
