my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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