i just google imaged poop.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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