neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
