I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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