He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
