i was born a porn star she said
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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