In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's shark week go big or go home
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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