this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm sobbing to NWA
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
