did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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