I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
