All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
