Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
