And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
