it's too hot outside to masturbate.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
