Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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