DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
