Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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