I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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