I'm jealous of your bromance
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
