The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
