Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
come find me please
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot