No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?