he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.