fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
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Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text