singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this boner is exhausting
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...