i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again