I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's get the cat blown out
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."