DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit