Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.