Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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