She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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