A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
