dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
