Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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